Quote of Day

*Sigh*. Guess who?

No, Cameron and the shoeshine boy need to lose something big and I believe I have the answer: Scotland.

Let us examine the benefits of this. In the last election the Scottish National party, which wants independence from England, took nearly 20% of the vote in Scotland. Add this lot to the non-voters who also want to go their own way and you realise there is significant support north of the border for Hadrian’s Wall to be rebuilt.

Economically, the SNP thinks Scotland would be fine. I don’t know why, since Scottish public spending is 33% higher per head than it is in the southeast of England. But on its website, the party says that Ireland is independent and is the “fourth most prosperous country in the world” (really?) and that Iceland, another small independent state, is the “sixth most prosperous country in the world”. (Apart from being totally bankrupt, obviously.) Let’s not get bogged down, though. The upsides go on and on. Without Scotland on the electoral map, Cameron would have a majority in the House of Commons, so he could lose the Cleggawallah, we’d never again have a Scottish prime minister and Scotland would become abroad — which would make it an exotic holiday location.

I think we could take this further. Why not draw the boundary between England and Scotland at York? This way, the SNP would feel that William Wallace’s sacrifice hadn’t been in vain and, better still, all the northern English constituencies could be governed by the sort of left-wing, wetland- habitat, save-the-bat and build-a-wind farm government they seem to like so much.