....then I'm Alex Salmond's PR agent.
Is Ciaran Barnes the worst journalist in the United Kingdom?
Fair bit of competition, but quite possibly.
SOCCER fans throughout West Belfast were singing for joy this week after unionists failed in an attempt at Stormont to stop players from the North representing the Republic of Ireland.
Ciaran, Ciaran, Ciaran, stop listening to those blokes cursin’ the Hun down the pub...here’s the word:
Stormont is a Mickey Mouse parliament, full of Mickey Mouse politicians, making Mickey Mouse statements, only FIFA can determine who plays for whom in world soccer.
Lagan Valley Sinn Féin MLA Paul Butler led the opposition to the “narrow-minded motion”.
Welcoming its defeat, he said: “For unionists to seek to prevent Irishmen from being eligible to represent Ireland represents a narrow-minded attitude that must not be allowed to prevail.”
FIFA recognises two national teams with the word "Ireland" in their title.
FIFA does not have any record on its books of any team solely of the name "Ireland".
Mr Butler also thanked the Irish government and SDLP for supporting his campaign against the motion.
However, the minister’s words cut little ice with the West Belfast Ireland Supporters’ Club.
“We have no problem with players who are eligible to play for Ireland playing for the North if that is their wish.
"The simple answer to all of this is to have an all-Ireland team as we do in rugby."
You might want to have a word with the IRFU about that last statement; according to the IRFU, a Belfast game for the "all-Ireland" rugby team is an away fixture, some of their supporters may not be quite, you know...not quite "Irish" enough...
Same principles apply to the FAI when they decide which players to target in Northern Ireland, some players may be, you know...,more "Irish" than others?
FIFA officials will meet in Tokyo on Saturday to make a final decision on the player eligibility row.
And I might be interpreting this wrong, but I think they’re saying it’s A-OK for the division of international soccer in Ireland along sectarian lines.
FIFA bottle it.
Our Culture Supremo proves once again he's an incompetent fool:
"If this is now the official position of FIFA, players eligible under FIFA rules to play for the Northern Ireland international team will not be eligible to play for the Republic of Ireland.
"This was the right decision and I am pleased that representations to FIFA both from the IFA and me have borne fruit. This is in the best interest of football in Northern Ireland."
Belfast Media Group spread more lies:
"But the IFA only have themselves to blame. They insist that anyone representing Northern Ireland must have a British passport and then endure God Save The Queen before every match"