Tis the season of mellow fruit and nut cases

The Bewildered Member for West Belfast, Gerry Kerouac, on autumn and helping the wee folk find their cheesers:

I have a few secret places which I share only with the small people in my
life. Even your man isn’t in on this sceal. Lesser mortals gather in
parklands and estates to throw sticks or stones at giant Chestnut trees in
annual efforts to dislodge cheesers from lofty branches. We slip to where
we can harvest our own windfall. Snobby people call them conkers

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Read the rest of the piece here- and to think that some people say Paisley's losing his marbles...