'It feels no more hospitable than when I first came here - there is still a snell wind that blows through the town and dark corners by the harbour that make passers-by walk more quickly'
'The centre... has the usual chain stores and the usual complement of skinny, ill-dressed women in their 20s who seem to hover around cheap Scottish shops like importuning wraiths'
'The flag on Edinburgh Castle is an awful mutant tablecloth and the National Trust for Scotland is arrogant andelitist'
'The walls are decorated with spraypaint graffiti and it is not uncommon to have to step over a comatose body, with or without a needle by its side'
...and it "smelled of "urine and rubbish"
Furthermore: Lanarkshire was "dirty", locals in the village of Wanlockhead, near Biggar, were compared to the loons in "Deliverance".
I'll insert the appropriate links at the end of the day.
And the answer...
As revealed by Scottish Unionist in the comments, it was none other than Scotland's new minister for arts and culture, Mike Russell. Mr Russell wrote the book "In Waiting: Travels in the Shadow of Edwin Muir in 1998"; a book which basically ripped apart the place he is now supposed to be promoting. However, as the SNP have pointed out, it was written prior to the Scottish Assembly being set up and of course, the SNP's minority adminstration- all the problems listed have now been sorted out to Mr Russell's satisfaction and.... Roll on "The Homecoming"!